


Joan

by GingerSammyBatch



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Emotions, Friends to Lovers, Genderswap, Laboratories, Love, Love Confessions, Love Triangles, M/M, Other, Sexual Fantasy, Sexual Tension, Wet Dream
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-06-24
Updated: 2012-09-01
Packaged: 2017-11-08 10:28:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/442216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GingerSammyBatch/pseuds/GingerSammyBatch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John Egbert never thought to worry about becoming female. He was mostly worried about staying alive long enough to be join by the Post! Scratch players and defeat Jack Noir before he managed to kill the small group of survivors John was living with. However, after foolishly playing around in a lab, John manages to turn himself into a girl with little knowledge on how to revert back. This causes all hell to break loose as John's companions begin to try and unravel the mysteries surrounding the transformation. As they do this, John experiences unfamiliar changes that are taking place in his body and is not enjoying them. He isn't the only one who isn't able to cope Though. Dave Strider has begun to find his best friend hard to be around, especially when he denies all possible attraction he might have for the derp.</p><p>Sexual tensions build up and actions that may forever change their relationship follow this revelation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

Sburb.

It was the one thing that had sealed all of your fates. From the Trolls who had failed their session, to the four young gods that had just come to existence. And now, with Noir chasing after you all you had little time to think. The new session had started and you stayed by the meteors of Derse in hiding as you awaited the day the new players might possibly reach you. 

But just waiting can get boring after a while. So you began to explore the meteors hoping to find something worthwhile as you escaped death each day and waited for the new faces.   
However it was only a matter of time before something went wrong. Everyone had tried to account for outside influences: Noir finding them, injuries, suddenly being visited by the new players, etc. But no one ever thought to worry about individual error.

Everyone was about to learn this the hard way; you most of all.


	2. How the Chaos Began

Out of all the completely idiotic circumstances Sburb had put you all through; this was possibly the top of the crop. You are Dave Strider, and you are staring at your best friend with a look of shocked-awe on your face in place of the signature pokerface Strider’s have been known to always wear. All around you, cries rang out as the other spectators of the group gaped in horror at the sight of the blue clad heir before them. John merely coughed a bit-as the last remnants of the smoke that had engulfed him earlier dissipated-and looked around the room at everyone’s faces in pure, unadulterated confusion. He had no idea what just happened; he didn’t even know that he wasn’t really a ‘he’ anymore. John just stared back at everyone as they stared at him. Finally, the awkward heavy silence was broken.

“Oh my god.” Jade stated hoarsely in slight horror.

“J-John?” Rose asked softly as she took a step forward.

“HOLY SHIT.” The loud and obnoxious voice of Karkat stated in a dumbfounded way. 

“Guys? What’s wrong?” John asked furrowing his brows a bit; only to have them shoot to his hairline as he noticed the change in his voice.

Shit. This was serious. And in more ways than one-seeing as how the sound of John’s new voice caused a strange tingle to shift its way through you. A tingle that excited Dave junior a bit. 

“Guys, what-?” John asked shakily, causing you to snap back to reality.

“Um…..John……don’t panic ok?” Jade stated in response as she shifted nervously; in your head you were face palming at her total failure of reassurance. 

“W-what? I-is something wrong?” John asked worriedly as his new voice hit a few notes you were sure he didn’t even expect himself to make.

“John…..well…..there’s been a little……accident.” Jade stated slowly as she glanced to her upper right and scrunched up her face in thought.

“…….What type of accident?” John asked carefully, his face grim.

“….The type of accident where your body changed a bit…..” Jade replied softly, her gaze averted.

For a moment, you felt the urge to drop Jade into a bottomless pit as the weight of her words made impact. The feeling was cut short as John’s cerulean eyes widened just before he sped out of sight and up toward the main hall they had just been in. For an instant you were disoriented, but after a small shake of the head you hurried after the panicking heir. What you saw when you entered the hall nearly gave you a heart attack. There was John, still garbed in his god tier getup but with his hood down. Rich, luscious wavy locks of raven colored hair draped themselves elegantly around his shoulders and down his back. You could swear your heart just skipped a fucking beat--no, no way in hell. Nope nope nope. That was just shock. There is no fucking way in hell that you just swooned at the sight of your best friend. No nope nada; definitely impossible. With another quick shake of your head, you trained your eyes back on the back of your best bud. He was staring at the hair he had grabbed from his shoulder in mute horror for a moment, before looking up and finding a mirror. The horror on his face became more apparent as he took in his reflection. Slowly he walked forward, hair bouncing slightly with each step. Finally he stopped about two feet from the mirror. Carefully, he raised a smaller and more elegant looking hand-in comparison to his previous larger and manlier ones- and touched his reflection. A whimper sounded and echoed through the hall as John realized the change to his body. Desperately, he glanced around for someone or something to use as a support. That’s when his eyes bored directly into yours-even with the pair of shades you always wore in between the stare. Shakily, John stepped forward and let a helpless look cross his face.

“Dave….” He whimpered in a scared way, tears cornering his brilliant blue eyes.

You have gone through hell and back because of a game you and your friends decided to play. And no matter what it threw at you, you could roll with the punches and shrug them off; until now. Unconsciously, you walked forward and allowed your best bro to fall apart in front of you while you were there to catch him and try to help sort through the raw emotion being displayed. Pressure built in your chest as you held the boy you had always seen as a hero in your arms.

You are Dave Strider. And because of the god damn game you’re playing, John Egbert-the best friend a guy could ever ask for-has now been turned into a girl.

………..XX……….

You are John Egbert, and you have yet to turn female. In fact, you had no idea that such a thing would ever happen; not in a million years. That seemed to be a concern that you could shelve for all eternity at the back of your mind. You had no idea that you should’ve been worrying about it more. 

For that past 20 minutes, you had been bouncing along the hallways in the abandoned buildings you had found on one of the many meteors surrounding Derse. It seemed like the building was a mix of a manufacturing facility as well as an emergency home for the rulers of the purple planet. You don’t know how many times you had been wandering through sterile gray environments only to suddenly walk through a door and end up in a hallway covered in purple cloth and carpeting. The experience was shocking at first, but as time went on the instances lost their mystery. The layout of the building felt odd though. It seemed that the hallways rich in purple décor were directly linked to small labs and plants everywhere you turned. Several of the plants the trolls identified as breeding plants for the soldiers and citizens of Derse. Beyond the labs where the smaller beings were made, larger labs existed housing the monsters that had been on the battlefields each player had arrived upon when they entered. You made an effort to steer clear of those places. 

After a few more minutes of walking, you found the gray walls turning to the rich purple corridors you’d had glances of before. It seemed like the lab and the housing unit shared the building, but had greatly substantial differences. The housing area was slightly dimmer compared to the harsh bright light in the labs and had more decorations and living elements strewn about the hallways.

“Wow.” You gawked in amazement. “This place looks amazing….”

“OF COURSE IT DOES. THE BLACK KING AND QUEEN WERE SUPPOSED TO COME HERE REMEMBER?” Karkat scoffed as he walked past you and entered what looked like the main hall.

You whistled as you followed him in. The place was huge and completely covered in purple and black decorations and tapestries. Mirrors lined one end of the main wall and stopped short of a large wooden door with two black crowns embellishing the middle. Obviously the throne room. Most likely best to avoid that area. Your focus quickly moved onto the rich design of the planet itself on a tapestry to the left. Purple and black thread was woven together so masterfully you couldn’t tell they were the only two colors used to show the planet. It was strangely beautiful considering how many atrocities had taken place there.

Slowly you tore your gaze away from the tapestry to look to the right where a lone paneled door stood almost out of place against the décor. You walked over to it slowly, almost magnetically draw to it. Just as the door opened, you became aware of the presence by your side. Turning your head slightly you saw Dave sticking closely as per usual. A smile lit your lips as you thought about how great it was to have him by your side. Refocusing on the room as you entered, you noticed it was another lab of sorts. Only this one was distinctly different. Instead of the swords and shields like in the other labs, this one was full of baskets and other objects. But one certain object stood out.

“Hey, look at this…” You stated, walking forward and looking at a beaker full of a strange substance sitting on one of the tables.

“JOHN. BACK YOUR GRUBFUCKING ASS UP.” Karkat warned.

“Seriously dude, you should be careful around that shit…” Dave cautioned.

“Oh come on, guys, what’s the worst that could happen?” You smirked as you picked up the beaker and tossed it from hand to hand exaggerating a slip every once and a while.

Then it happened.

As you moved to feign another slip-up, the beaker overshot your reach and began heading straight for the floor with you desperately flailing after it. Meaning to catch the beaker as it fell, you ended up spilling the substance all over yourself and were suddenly blindsided by smoke that appeared out of nowhere.

For a moment you thought that the smoke was the only thing you needed to worry about, seeing as how it was causing you to cough and wheeze at every intent to breathe. Then the pain struck. At first it was a dull throbbing where the liquid hit you that had a slight burning sensation, but it soon blossomed into antagonizing pain that was followed closely by a heat that felt like it was melting your organs. A small cry escaped your lips as you clutched at your abdomen in a feeble attempt to comfort yourself. From the distance, you heard the worried shouts of your friends as several tried to contemplate the situation. Your strangled reassurance was cut short by a blood curdling scream that escaped as you were suddenly hit with an extreme wave of pain. Everything hurt all at once. Your limbs, your muscles, your bones; even things like your hair follicles seemed to be raptured in pain. The heat had increased as well, and centered on your torso, giving you the sensation of burning from within. You fell to your knees as a new weight was found on your chest from the heat, causing your breathing to falter. It seemed like you were being destroyed. Like the game had finally decided that torture was the correct method to get rid of you. Silently, you closed your eyes and waited for your demise as you curled up into a ball. Just as the heat and pain reached their maximum level, both disappeared in an instant. A desperate gasp for breath escaped your mouth as you shakily began to regain control of your body. The smoke hung in the air around you causing your view of your friends to be whited out. For a moment, you just laid there and sobbed a little as the adrenalin and fear that had gripped you began to dissipate. Then you became aware of the shouting on the other side of the smoke.

“I don’t care! I’m gonna find out if he’s ok!” Dave’s voice shouted angrily.

“What if the smoke is just as caustic as the chemical was!?” Rose’s voice replied uncharacteristically raised.

“So what if it is!? John’s still in there and he needs help!” Jade cried her voice shaking.

“Exactly! Now let me go get him!” Dave shouted again.

“Dave, I Must Say That I Agree With Rose On This Topic.” Came a sharp statement from the voice of Kanaya, “We Don’t Even Know What That Chemical Was.”

“So we should just leave him in there while we try to figure that out!?” Dave cried exasperated.

“HEY FUCKASS, CALM YOUR TITS AND LISTEN TO THE TWO OF THEM.” A growl sounded from Karkat, “WE WON’T LEAVE JOHN JUST TO FUTZ AROUND WITH THIS SHIT, BUT AT THE SAME TIME WE CAN’T LET ANYONE ELSE GET HURT. SO INSTEAD OF TRYING TO WRECKLESSLY CHARGE INTO THIS, WHY DON’T YOU TRY AND HELP US FIGURE OUT WHAT EXACTLY WE SHOULD DO.”

“So you’re telling me to think when John could be dying.” Dave replied coldly.

“NO IDIOT. I’M TELLING YOU TO BE SMART ABOUT THIS!” Karkat growled again.

“Oh please! You’re just worried about yourself!”

“WHAT WAS THAT!? YOU LITTLE-”

“STOP IT BOTH OF YOU!” Your voice rang out as you finally managed to stand up.

“John!?” Dave cried in shock and alarm.

“Dude, I’m fine! Will you just chill!?” You snapped.

“…..Are you really John….?” Dave asked again.

You let out a slight growl at this question and summoned the wind to blow away most of the smoke. Unfortunately, some still caught as you took a breath and you coughed slightly in order to clear you throat. You opened your eyes and finally noticed the looks of shock on the faces of the friends you knew. For a moment, you just stared at them in complete confusion. ‘Is there something on my face…?’ you wondered to yourself for several tense seconds. Then they began to speak again.

“Oh my god.” Jade stated hoarsely in slight horror.

“J-John?” Rose asked softly as she stepped toward you.

“HOLY SHIT.” Karkat stated, dumbfounded.

“Guys? What’s wrong?” You asked and instant before you felt your eyes go wide.

Your voice. What was wrong with your voice? It was never this high before, nor had it ever sounded so luxurious. To the side, Dave stiffened slightly and shuttered a breath. 

“Guys, What-?” You asked slightly as your voice caught.

Shock must have been apparent on your face because Jade spoke up again.

“Um…..John……don’t panic ok?” Jade stated as she shifted nervously in front of you. 

“W-what? I-is something wrong?” You asked worriedly as your new voice hit a few notes you didn’t even expect to make.

“John…..well…..there’s been a little……accident.” Jade stated slowly as she glanced to her upper right and scrunched up her face in thought.

“…….What type of accident?” You asked carefully with a grim expression.

“….The type of accident where your body changed a bit…..” Jade replied softly, her gaze averted.

For a moment you just stood there and tried to make sense of what she had just said. Your body had changed? What type of change? Is it bad? Did you loose something? Were you horribly disfigured now? The questions spun round and round in your head until you finally couldn’t take it.

You weren’t sure how you had managed to get back into the main hall so quickly, but in doing so your hood had blown off and revealed new hair. For a moment you thought the tickle at your neck was your hood, until you reached out and touched it. Shakily, you grabbed a clump from your shoulder and stared at it in mute horror. Slowly, you face the wall of mirrors and walked toward one. You lifted a shaking hand- which was much more slender and elegant looking compared to your hands before- and touched the copy in the glass as if hoping to wake up. But this was very real. In a panic, your eyes darted around the room for something, anything to comfort yourself with. Then your eyes fell on Dave. He stood stiffly by the door you’d run out of and had been watching you for god knows how long. One look at him was all you really needed to see before you felt the tears burn the corners of your eyes. 

“Dave….”You stated meekly as you stared at him.

Silently, he walked over to you and wrapped you in a hug. At first you were surprised at the gesture, but you soon found yourself letting it-along with everything else-go. Sobs racked your body as you fell into your best friend’s embrace. It felt as if your world had ended. Nothing seemed like it could ever happen to make things right again.  
You are John Egbert, and though you had been excited about the game at one point, you were now wishing you had never laid eyes on its ad. In one fell swoop, the game had not only taken your life as you’d seen it when you first entered, but also the life you had just begun to get used to.

Due to your mistake, your journey as a girl has now begun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 1 for all of you out there! 
> 
> I've decided to see what reaction I get BEFORE I post the other finished chapters. Again, feel free to comment on things you noticed, liked or disliked. I'll try to improve based on your opinions! :)


	3. Action after Chaos Settles

Three days.

It had already been three days since John’s…accident. So far he still seemed basically the same; just with a female body. 

He could still play the piano, and do his windy-thing. Plus it seemed his physical strength hadn’t decreased all that much in retrospect. Hell, when his hood was up he just looked like he had shrunk a bit. But that was only if you looked from behind. The front was VERY much changed, much to your own discomfort.

“So what do you think about that?” Jade asked as you zoned back into reality.

“What do I think of what?” You asked.

“Dave!” Jade whined. “Pay attention.”

You are Dave Strider, and for the past three days you have been distracted with thoughts of your best friend. After the whole fiasco three days ago when he turned himself into a girl, everyone had basically gone into panic mode on how to change the heir back. So far, most of their efforts had been put forth toward fixing the mess the boy had gotten himself into. 

But you weren’t worried entirely about that. You found yourself worrying about what it could possibly mean for you to be shy around him. Sure he was a chick now- a hot, sexy chick that understood you and had talked to you for years that was also really soft. Wait, what? Where did that come from? Jesus the places your mind went when you thought too much. You really needed to stop doing that. Honestly, who would ever fall for the derp and his smaller form, and the cute way his laugh changed, and the way his hair curled around his face in just the right way to put your- WHOA WHOA WHOA. No nope nadda, not going there. Why you even started to go there was a mystery. You totally were in no way interested in John. Even if he did make you-ARG! Ok, thinking = bad. No more of that anymore.

“Dave?” Jade asked as you physically head-desked in front of her.

“Hmm?” You mumbled trying not to think too much.

“….Must be hard…” Jade stated softly.

“What?” You asked, head shooting up. No way, could she actually read minds?

“Well, John’s your best friend right? It must be hard to try to deal with all this…” Jade clarified.

“Oh. Yeah, that’s pretty tough too…” You replied without thinking.

“Uh, compared to what?” Jade asked, obviously confused.

Oh shit.

“Nothing. Just overthinking.” You replied calmly while you internally freaked out.

“Oh, I understand. You must be the most worried of us all…” Jade nodded.

Silently, you let out a breath. Thank god Jade knew next to nothing about sexual notions. Shit would just be awkward to explain.

“So, where are we in the search?” You asked trying to change the topic as quickly as possible.

“To put it bluntly, nowhere.” Jade sighed, her ears flattening on her head.

“What?” You asked suddenly completely attentive.

“We don’t know what the chemical that changed John was nor do we have any means of turning him back. So far, we’ve hit a whole lot of nothing.” Jade explained tiredly.

You sat back in your seat a bit shocked. This was unexpected. There should have been much more of the stuff than just one beaker in a lab. Where could the rest possibly be? Unless….not even the dersites knew what it was….

That couldn’t be good.

……..X……..

You sighed lightly as you lay in your room doing nothing. Not like you could really do much anyway, seeing as how off-putting you were.

You are John Egbert, and you feel like an abomination.

Three days had already passed you by in your new form as a girl, and you were anything but enjoying it. Everyone panicked shortly after they found out there wasn’t a way to reverse the process that easily, though you’d figured that out before then after calming down enough to think coherently. Some great mess you’d gotten yourself into.  
Besides that, everyone seemed to shy around you when you entered a room for some reason. At first you thought it was because you were in the way, but after an unexpected reaction from Karkat earlier you’d really discovered why they kept their distance. Sighing again, you let yourself fall to the bed beneath you and curled into the fetal position on it.  
Why were you such a screw up? Everything was going well until you’d gone and done this. Now you were a freak and your friends hated you, you just knew it.

A knock at your door, brought you back to reality. Lifting your head up you called to it.

“You can come in, Rose.” You stated before letting your head flop back down.

“Thank you.” Rose replied coming into your room, “How did you know it was me?”

“You knock in a strangely formal way.” You replied simply.

“I see…” Rose stated sitting at the foot of your bed, “John, what happened exactly?”

You sighed. You knew someone would ask about it eventually.

“I thought I would try to help, you know, reverse this. But I only ended up making everything worse.” You reply simply, curling tighter into a ball.

“How?”

“I ran up, and just touched Karkat’s arm because he wouldn’t look at me. The next thing I knew, he was flipping his shit and telling me to scram. Well not really telling me, but more like yelling obscenities at me and then-"

“I get the picture.” Rose stated interrupting your explanation.

“I just, I guess I didn’t realize just how much of an abomination I am.” You state quietly.

“John, you are NOT an abomination.” Rose replied sternly. “You’re still you right?”

“I guess” You sigh.

“Exactly.” Rose breathed. “Which is why you need to get up and tell him to cool his jets.”

“I can’t…” You reply burying your head in your pillow.

“And why not?” Rose asked skeptically.

“Because I’m too different now Rose…” came your muffled reply, “I may still be me on the inside, but the exterior puts everyone on edge…I hate being this way….”

You felt a hand on your shoulder, and look up slightly to see Rose softly rubbing your back. You took a shuddery breath and choked back a spasm of tears. Your emotions had been out of whack since the change, and you would NOT lose to them again this time. After shutting your burning eyes for a minute, you managed to regain control of yourself. A sigh escaped your lips as you sat up as looked directly at Rose.

“I don’t know what to think anymore Rose…” You state simply.

“……You’re not alone in that…” She replied softly.

You are John Egbert. You have been a girl a total of three days. And you have begun to lose hope.

……..XX…….

“Dave! I told you already! We’ve already checked there!” Jade cried as you looked through the lab for the 20th time.

You are Dave Strider, and damn are you acting like a moron.

After hearing the news from Jade earlier, you began going over everything in the lab multiple times trying to find something, ANYTHING they could have missed. So far, no luck. But you were too stubborn to admit defeat. And damned be you if you don’t find a SCRAP of a method to get your best bro back to his original state before you give up. At first, you just gave a quick glance over one area after the next over and over and over again. Then you began to search thoroughly through each cabinet, drawer and counter. You’d nearly started crawling around on your hands and knees with a magnifying glass beneath each of the tables when you noticed something.

“Hey, I found something.” You stated, picking up a disk and standing from your crouching position.  
“What is it?” Jade asked, coming to get a closer look.

“Looks like something we can use…” You replied with a smirk.

Things were finally beginning to look up…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. I didn't expect to get such a great reaction so quickly!
> 
> Thank you all for showing me that you enjoy the story! I hope to continue to meet your expectations!
> 
> However, this has to be my least favorite chapter thus far. I feel like it could be better, but at the same time I'm not sure where to begin changes. :/ I fail.


	4. Tidal waves

“Rose! We finally found something!” Jade cried bursting into your room, “Well, actually Dave found it, but we still found something!”

You sprang up from your bed as the news hit you. ‘They found something? They actually FOUND something!?’ echoed through your head as shock was replaced with a large smile that took over the better part of your face. Jade must have noticed the change in your mood because she quickly bounded over to you and grabbed your hand before dragging you out of the space and down the hallway. After a few lefts and a right, Jade and you gasped for air outside the computer lab. She gave you a huge grin before pushing you into the room.

“Go on already!” She laughed.

You stepped into the room and were immediately greeted by the largest monitor sporting thousands of lines of strange symbols. In front of the monitor, several familiar figures stood. You slowly approached, suddenly apprehensive about getting near them in case one of them reacted negatively. Stopping about 3 feet away, you managed to catch their conversation.

“-which is what I’m telling you, stupid.” Dave huffed.

“You mean to say that I’m blind then!?” Karkat growled.

“Well, seeing as how in was in the area Jade said YOU searched, yeah I am.” Dave challenged.

“Watch it, Strider. You’ll find my temper to be relatively painful to experience.” Karkat warned.

“That doesn’t make any sense, you illiterate fuck.” Dave smirked.

“What was that, you-”

“Will the two of you just shut up!?” Sollux cried.

You jumped a bit at his outburst, Sollux wasn’t one that yelled very often. They must have been arguing for a while now.

“I’m sick of having to deal with all the bullshit you two have been spewing; cut it out already so I can work in peace!” He nearly screamed at them.

“…sorry man…”Karkat stated softly.

“Yeah, I’m sorry too…” Dave mumbled. “Even if it was his fault…”

“….What?” Karkat asked slowly.

“Well if you had just let it drop, we wouldn’t have been arguing.” Dave stated bluntly.

“YOU TELLING ME I CAN’T DO MY JOB WAS WHAT CAUSED THIS!!!!” Karkat screamed.

“No, I told you that you missed a spot.” Dave said curtly.

“THAT’S THE SAME THING!” Karkat hollered.

“No, there’s a difference dumbass. THIS is why I call you illiterate.” Dave sighed.

“I’M GONNA-”

“Guys! Stop it!” You cried as you stepped in between the two of them, “Arguing will get us nowhere!”

The silence that followed was eerie. The two of them just stared at you in a half-shock, half-embarrassed way, like they didn’t want you to see them fighting. You huffed a little at that, and then took a step back. The two of them just stared at you. This went on with the only sound being Sollux’s typing. Finally, you couldn’t take it.

“What?” You snapped at them.

They remained silent as they watched you. A twinge of pain ran its way through your torso as you realized why they wouldn’t say anything. It was because of the change. To them you weren’t ‘John’ anymore, you were just a freak; an outcast who screwed them self over in the stupidest way possible. You knew that hurt had begun reflecting on your face by the way the two of them shifted uncomfortably. You hated this. You hated this whole situation so much. You hated the way they just stared at you like you were someone else. You hated how they refused to tell you to your face. You hated how you couldn’t do anything but mope. But most of all, you hated how you had begun to hope again. This revelation ignited the anger you had been suppressing since Karkat pushed you away. It slowly began to build in the pit of your stomach as you thought about just how messed up things had gotten. You knew the more you thought the more it would build, but you couldn’t stop it anymore. Finally, you felt it begin to bubble over.

“Not answering me huh?” You asked quietly, fists clenching. “Must be so much easier that way…”

They both stared at you in unified confusion as you let your bangs cover your eyes for a minute. The anger you had almost sealed away now leapt forth as you looked up at them.

“Must be so, so easy…” You stated, giving them a pointed death glare. “That way you don’t have to deal with Freak-boy. You don’t even have to give me a god damn explanation as to what’s going on…”

“Whoa, what are you-” Dave started.

“You know EXACTLY what I’m saying Dave. I made a mistake, I changed, and now NEITHER of you two can stand to be in the same room as me. Do you have any idea how screwed up that is? It’s like telling me ‘Hey, we’ll be close when you’re a guy, but now that you’re a girl you need to stay out of our manly fucking business’. Do you have ANY idea how fucking hard it is to deal with that while trying to remain god damn positive and level headed all the damn time!?” You erupted. “The LEAST you could do is TELL me when I’m not wanted! That way I’ll get out of your god damn way and let you do your own thing! But pulling me around like you have been? THAT is what I take issue in!”

“John…” Dave stated, exasperated.

“Dude, calm down…” Karkat echoed.

“NO! I’m NOT gonna calm down! You two assholes don’t understand just how bad I feel about this whole thing!” You yelled at them, angry tears beginning to gather at the corner of your eyes. “I’m the entire fucking reason for this stupid search! Why am I such a god damn idiot all the time!? You two must think it too, I know you do!”

“John, we don’t-“ Karkat began to breathe out.

“I hate this.” You stated softly.

“What?” Dave asked, his hidden eyes wide. Even Sollux was staring at you now.

“I hate this. I hate everything about this. I hate how I’m an idiot, I hate how you two avoid me, I hate the way my body changed, I hate the fact no one is addressing the issue directly with me in the room; but most of all, I hate how I thought for a brief second, everything had changed for the better…” You stated simply, feeling the hot tears streak down your face. “I’m sorry I’m so off putting now, and I realize now that it’s never going to get any better. I’ll just be a lingering memory in the shadows from now on, good bye.”

With that you turned and ran out of the room, desperately trying to hold in the sobs that threated to make you collapse. You had found use for your fury, focusing on it to keep your feet moving as you sprinted blindly down the hall. If only you could just disappear. That would make everything better, wouldn’t it? You stumble once but kept running. Tears fell from your face quickly as you felt your anger turn to sorrow. However, your self-loathing was interrupted. 

“DAMMIT JOHN! STOP ALREADY!!!!” Dave shouted as he wrapped his arms around you from behind, causing you both to skid to a stop.

For a few moments, the two of you stood gasping for breath. Finally, you felt Dave’s grasp around you loosen slightly. Before you knew what was happening, Dave had turned you around so you were facing him. Tears ran down your cheeks as you tried to keep your gaze away from his face. Why did he come after you? Weren’t you his worst nightmare now?

“John.” Dave whispered softly, moving his face toward your field of vision. Stubbornly, you moved your face so you looked up.

“John.” Dave huffed slightly, gripping your chin and pulling your head so you faced him. You closed your eyes and gritted you teeth in response.

“John…” Dave gave a warning tone. You furrowed your eyebrows and frowned deeply.

“John.” Dave growled, lowly and sharply. Your eyes snapped open in shock at that; he never used that tone unless he was pissed.

“…..What?” You finally asked, somewhat harsher than you meant to. You had to fight a flinch at your tone, but you weren’t gonna be the one to back down first.

“What the hell do you think?” Dave mirrored your tone, obviously glowering at you behind his shades.

“I don’t know, Dave. WHAT do I think?” You asked simply, allowing another glare to show up on your face. Though you doubted that it looked as fierce as you hoped, seeing as how you were still bawling.

Silence stretched between the two of you as a glaring war took place. It was a strange way to fight for dominance in this situation, but hey, it was working for you.

“……Fine…” Dave sighed suddenly. “I’ll bite.”

“……Huh?” You asked, confusion lighting your face.

“I said you win, Egderp.” Dave chuckled, “So, feel like sitting down and working this out or some shit like that?”

You were pretty sure your jaw had hit the floor. Dave Strider. DAVE cool-guy STRIDER just suggested a huge sob session, and was most likely hinting at the whole nine yards; cookies, crying, chick flicks and ice-cream. Who was this person in front of you and what had he done with Dave?

“Dude, stop.” Dave said suddenly, catching onto your train of thought. “ I did NOT mean the whole sappy 3-days-of-healing bullshit when I said that.”

“Good, because I was about to go Con-air Nick Cage on you and find out what the strange person in front of me did with the real you.” You blurted out in a relieved stupor.

“Ha, dream on Egbert.” Dave outwardly laughed in your face. “You can’t take me.”

“Oh please, Dave.” You snort. “All I need is a smuppet in hand to destroy you.”

“Hey! Smuppets are scary ass shit bro.” Dave said defensively. “You don’t even know.”

“Oh yeah. Suuuuuuuure Dave.” You rolled your eyes.

After an intense staring contest, a small grin started to spread on both of your faces. Suddenly you both burst out laughing. It was odd at first, but seeing Dave actually laugh whole-heartily was somewhat contagious. For several minutes, the two of you stood there filling the hallway you were in with gleeful sounds. Finally, you managed to calm down to slight chuckles and giggles as the last of the bubbly emotion quelled. For a few moments, you just stood there and grinned slightly as the last of the endorphins wore off. It was only after that you noticed Dave staring at you.

“So….” He started softly, almost…unsurely. “Feel up to talking about it now…?”

You looked over at him, eyes wandering his face as you searched for any signs of falsehood. There were none.

“…..I guess…” You mumbled, leaning back against the wall.

“……cool.” Dave muttered, taking a place next to you.

Silence stretched for several seconds longer before you took a breath and began.

“So I’m a complete mess, as you’ve probably realized…” You stated bluntly.

“Yeah; wasn’t really expecting you to blow like that….” Dave replied in monotone.

“I just don’t know what to do anymore, Dave…” You sighed deeply. “I mean, one minute everything is completely fine; and then the next is full of complete chaos. Plus the situation only gets worse when I realize just how stupid this mistake I made was…”

“John, its not-”

“Dude, don’t.” You cut him off. “Don’t tell me this isn’t stupid, because that’s bull and we both know it. It’s just really fucking hard to deal with everyone tiptoeing around the factor with me in the room. I thought you guys would be more honest with me….”

“…..Yeah…I thought we would too…” Dave echoes grimly.

“I just…..I don’t like seeing everyone acting like I’m fragile now, and then avoiding the problem around me. It kinda hurts the whole ‘trust’ thing. Especially concerning you and Karkat…” You trail off, feeling a lump beginning to build in your throat.

Damn new emotions. If you could completely destroy them, you would do it without hesitation right now…

“…..I’m not sure what crabby’s deal is…..but, on my end, I’m sorry….” Dave breathed as he tried to avoid your gaze.

“……It’s ok….” You state, a hiccup of tears forming. “May I ask why it is you were avoiding me…?”

“Shit man, how would you react if your best friend suddenly swapped genders?” Dave scoffed.

“……I would at least talk to them…” You reply, voice shaking involuntarily.

Dammit. Go away tears.

“John?” Dave asked looking over at you before his stoic face officially shattered.

By the way his expression went from neutral to shocked beyond measure to repentant, you knew you looked way worse for wear that you had originally guessed. 

“Shit bro, I’m sorry ok?” Dave started, panic underlying his seemingly calm tone. “I know it was a dick move to completely avoid you, but you know I didn’t mean to make you feel isolated. Realistically, yeah, that’s what it probably looked like; but I wasn’t really sure how to react. Jesus. John. Oh god. Dude, come on; please don’t cry. Dammit. I really didn’t want things to end up like this….Fuck, how do I comfort? Is there a manual on that shit or something? Because it would be really fucking useful right now. Dude, I’m sorry. Please, please stop crying. John. Don’t make me hug and kiss you, man. Because I will really fucking do it right now. I swear; totally un-ironically, I will fucking hug and kiss the shit out of you. And you will completely lose your shit because it will be fucking amazing and- the fuck are you laughing? Here I am, spilling my heart out in an attempt to comfort the poor wayward soul before me and you laugh? What a way to ruin the mood……John, seriously, what the hell is so damn funny?” 

You were at a loss of words at the moment due to your battle for air. Flustered Dave could be so entertaining at times. Not to mention the cute way he- WHOA WHOA WHOA. No. Bad emotions. BAD.

“Dave….you’re ridiculous…” You finally managed to choke out after battling internally with a strange foreign feeling.

“Oh wow. Thanks Egderp.” Dave huffed good-naturedly.

You sat giggling for a few moments while glancing at Dave. He was such a nerd. But that was one of his better qualities. You soon found yourself staring at Dave intently. What could he possibly think about you now? Slowly, you rested your forehead on his shoulder, causing him to stiffen.

“Relax…” You cooed softly. “I just need a shoulder to cry on….literally…”

“…….ok.” Dave replied just as softly, wrapping his free arm around you.

You felt the emotion you had dammed up pushing against your mental wall. In an instant, you let go and felt as everything came crashing down. Sobs racked your frame as you clung to Dave and let every pent up frustration and sorrow pour out. Briefly, you thought of how well he was handling this whole situation before being swept away by emotion. The two of you sat there for nearly fifteen minutes as you let everything you’d been holding back out. Slowly, you felt the tears beginning to cease but kept your face buried in Dave’s embrace; which had shifted you from his shoulder to his chest.

“…..feeling better…?” Dave finally asked.

“…..Yeah.” You replied after a moment. “…………thanks.”

“What’s a bro for?” 

You smiled into his chest and hugged him back for a minute. Finally, you untangled yourself from him and stood up. Taking a breath in, you let out a nervous chuckle.

“I look like hell, don’t I?” You asked sheepishly.

“…….Yeah.” He smirked at you. 

You scoffed and punched his arm before rising up and stretching. Glancing around you noticed that to corridor you were in was the same one that you had run to earlier in the week. Dave stood next to you and took the sight in as well.

“…I can’t believe all this trouble started in that stupid lab over there….” You murmured. 

“…Come on, let’s head back…” Dave breathed nudging your arm.

You took one final look before turning and following Dave down the hall and back to the computer lab. There was so much that had gone wrong; so much you hated about this situation; so much you wish you could change. But what’s done is done. You might as well try to deal with things in a positive way. 

‘After all…’ You thought glancing at Dave once more, ‘There are other’s waiting for me to return…’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh god. The staring in the chapter. THE STAAAARRRRRRING. 
> 
> I seriously added WAY too many dramatic staring contests. OTL
> 
> Anyway, this chapter was SUPPOSED to demonstrate how John's emotions are like tidal waves, but I think I failed in that prospect. :/ As a side note to this, all male readers should know that female emotions are actually this crazy, illogical, confusing and bluh. (I don't know why either.)
> 
> Either way, this is my favorite chapter so far. (Now I just need to finish the next chapter already. BRAIN! Y U NO GIVE ME IDEAS!!!!!) 
> 
> Enjoy! :)
> 
> Edit: Thank you to Al who helped me to realize several things I have mislabeled and looked at in the wrong light. Your comments helped me realize a few things I'm going to work on improving. :)


	5. Fabrics and Blushes

“Oh come on!” Jade cried as she smashed her keyboard.

“Please, Jade?”

Jade huffed and glared into your cerulean eyes, the wheels turning in her head. She carefully glanced back at the code.

“……Why should I?” Jade finally asked.

“It would do me a huge favor and make the progress go faster?” You offered.

Jade let out a breath. And face palmed as you waited patiently. The silence made you nervous so you began to talk about how you could be useful when Jade exploded.

“DAMMIT JOAN! SHUT UP!” She cried exasperated, capturing the attention of everyone in the room.

For several tense seconds, you and your ecto-sister stared at each other in shock as the name she had called you with sunk in. Nervously, the two of you tried to laugh it off.

The two of you wouldn’t realize how serious this slip of the tongue had been. Less than a day after Jade had called you that everyone was referring to you as “Joan”. Your annoyance of the name was overshadowed at first by the amazement that a name could cause such a huge change in such a short time. Almost everyone had begun to openly interact with you again, though only a select few didn’t call you by Jade’s slip. At first, it felt nice to finally be accepted back into the group of people you called your friends. But that didn’t last long.

Your name is JOHN Egbert, and you have begun to get extremely irritated with your situation.

At the moment, you were sitting in the shared room of Kanaya and Rose pouting. There was NO WAY in HELL you were accepting the glowing troll’s demands.

“Joan! Will you please stop being so difficult!” Kanaya cried in frustration.

“Only when you give me a logical answer as to WHY I can’t just wear my god tier clothes until we find a solution!” You shouted exasperatedly back, annoyance of the name momentarily forgotten.

“I told you before!” Kanaya yelled face palming, “Those clothes are way too big and ratty! You need better clothing to wear! Now let me take your measurements!”

“So what if they’re big!? And they’re not ratty!” You exclaimed defensively. You loved your god tier clothes. They were like big, comfy pajamas to you. (Which they technically were, seeing as how they used to be your dream self’s Prospit robes.)

“It’s unflattering!” Kanaya rasped, looking like she was close to the edge.

“….Am I interrupting something…?” A fluid voice asked from the doorway.

The two of you turned your attention to the door. Rose stood by it calmly as she surveyed the situation, a knowing sparkle lighting her eyes. You stifled of groan as you thought of a tag team against you. You would never win if that happened. But your thoughts were abruptly interrupted as Kanaya somehow managed to gracefully glide over to Rose at an alarmingly fast pace. Freaking vampires--or Rainbow drinkers in this case…was there really a difference? The though made your head spin a bit so you let it drop. However you managed to focus back into reality in time to see Kanaya and Rose share a chaste kiss. Quickly, you looked away as your face heated up. The two of them kissing was nothing new. Dave had told you it started shortly before you and Jade arrived, and you had often seen them indulging in the act. But it felt like an intrusion of their privacy, so you tried to avoid watching. In many ways, they seemed thankful for that action; but it was hard to tell exactly what they were thinking most of the time…

“So what’s the problem?” Rose asked, quirking a brow.

“Joan refuses to allow me to take measurements for a new wardrobe.” Kanaya stated in a biting tone as she glared over her shoulder at you.

“John, is this true…?” Rose queried. 

You smiled slightly at the usage of your name, but frowned when you noticed the look in her eyes; she was on Kanaya’s side. Figures.

“I just don’t understand why my god tier robes won’t get the job done. I mean, they work fine already….” You mumbled in response, looking away.

“John.” Rose sighed, “Saying that they ‘work fine’ is in the most general sense of practicality….”

You huffed at that; Great. Here comes the tag teaming bullshit. Might as well kiss your argument goodbye and prostrate yourself before them now, before you are soundly taken down by their pointed logic. But where will your pride be if you bow down? Certainly not with you.

“What do you mean ‘the most general sense of practicality’?” You hiss against your better judgment.

“Do I really need to point it all out to you?” Rose rubbed her temples, though a smirk was hinting on her face; you glared at that. “John, you’re not a young man at the moment. As such, there are certain things you need to take into account and work toward addressing.”

“Like what?” You scoff half heartedly. She already had you, why did you even bother deciding to fight it? 

Oh right; Pride. 

You really need to put a stopper on that so you stop being such a moron in these situations….

“Well for one, you have breasts now.” Rose chuckled as you flinched. You hated her blunt side sometimes.

“So?” You mumble.

“Has your back been hurting you recently?” Kanaya asked simply, staring pointedly at you. You almost thought she wasn’t mad anymore. Almost.

“Yeah….a little…” You admitted shrinking back from the troll’s stare. 

Kanaya may look calm, but you’d seen her go ape shit insane after an unfortunate pranking attempt. You had learned two things that day; one, never steal one of her work in progresses and staple it to the ceiling after drawing a troll face on it; and two, Kanaya was one scary bitch when she puts on a charming grin and chases after you with her chainsaw for almost three straight hours. That was a dark day in your mini-survival group.

“So, you’re feeling the strain of the weight of your bosom by letting it hang freely without any support all day long.” Kanaya chirped like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“……What?” You asked completely bewildered. Try as you might have to keep the clueless look from your face, you were sure you failed and failed miserably.

“John, breasts aren’t just empty space.” Rose explained patiently. “They carry some weight depending on the size, understand?”

“.............no.” You stated letting a completely lost look reflect openly on your face.

“Basically, the bigger the bosom, the heavier it is and the more support is needed.” Kanaya interjected, looking amused.

“….Oh.” You murmured.

“To stop most of the strain on the back, women use bras as support.” Rose educated. “Therefore, we need your measurements to make you a bra that will support you and give you the best comfort.”

You sighed deeply. There it was. The moment your argument was officially murdered. Time to bury it and accept your fate as the new dress up doll the two of them would get hours of entertainment out of. There would be no escaping their web of logic now. No argument could possibly stop the two of them from completely changing your wardrobe.

God you hated it when they tag teamed.

………….XX……………

“Cut it out already, Jade.” You warned, stoic face not giving a hint of the discomfort plaguing you.

“Aw come on, Dave! Maybe I can help!” Jade whined in response as she tugged at your sleeve.

Your name is Dave Strider and you are tried as fuck right now.

You’d always been a pretty light sleeper; before sburb, bro would burst into your room at ungodly hours and try to attack you when your guard was down. All those sneak attacks led to your strange sleeping patterns; But that aside, you usually weren’t impacted by it. However, last night was different from usual. Honest to god you thought you would never see the day where a wet dream could destroy your sheets. But lo and behold, it happened last night. Though the fact that it woke you in the middle of the night wasn’t the reason for your current exhaustion. 

The subject of the dream had caused the rather brash decision to remain awake for the duration of the night.

Never in a million years would you have imagined you would dream of JOHN of all people. The fact that you did was somewhat disturbing. You had hoped to dream of someone, ANYONE other than your best friend of all people. This complicated the relationship between you two even more than it had already been. After the breakdown issue three days after the accident, you tried your best to avoid being absolutely alone with him. 

Goddamn hormones.

They always screw everything up. Even when you seriously wanted to just hang with John on your own, like old times, they got in the way. And damn was it hard to stay sane when the two of you were alone in that damn hallway. Christ, you wished he weren’t so goddamn hot…..where did that come from? You did NOT just classify your best bro as ‘hot’, did you? Oh god. You did. You admitted he’s hot. The end is nigh.

“DAVE!” Jade nearly shrieked.

“WHAT THE FUCK HARLEY!?” You inadvertently shouted as you just about jumped out of your skin.

“Glad to see you’ve come back to Earth.” Jade huffed, “Now tell me what’s wrong with you!”

“For the last time, I’m fine.” You nearly growled, “Now drop it. Seriously.”

“No! I’m not gonna let it go till you give me a straight answer! You’ve looked dead since this morning! What’s going on!?” Jade cried with a glare.

God fucking dammit.

There she goes with the angry face. Christ you hate the angry face. Oh look, here comes the hurt aftershock of the angry face. Damn, why does she always do this? Just because that face SEEMS to twist your heart in a way that you can’t describe, doesn’t mean it actually does! No. No, you are not gonna loose to the face. Not again. Nope. Sorry, wrong number. Dave Strider will not be taken down by the face Jade Harley is pulling right now. Not now, not ever again. You’re the most indifferent son of a bitch on this rock right now, and one mere hurt expression will not topple you. You’re a man god dammit.

“Look, I’m just a little tired ok?” You sigh.

Fuck. 

There goes the determination; it’s falling to the ground out the five story window that you were standing next to. Goodbye old friend. Enjoy the halls of determination afterlife. May you find rightful solace there. Then grow to be reborn again as a stronger determination. Maybe meet a nice girl determination and tie the knot, and grow to have a million kids that are just as strong a determination that you were…..ok, you’d honestly forgot where that metaphor was going by now.

“Tired?” Jade repeated; worry creasing her brow. “Why? Did you have a nightmare?”

“Kinda…” You shrugged.

“Oh my gosh, Dave! Why didn’t you come to find me!?” Jade fussed obviously upset, “I could have helped!”

“Nah, it was cool Harley. Nothing too bad.” You played it off.

“But bad enough so you didn’t sleep!” Jade whined.

Shit.

You must have let your guard down for a moment when you were thinking about last night. Jade was sharp, you knew that much. So the stupid move of getting lost in thought was a bad one. 

“Harley chill.” You ordered, “It was just a concept that I don’t really want to think about.”

“…….Was it about……Joan?” Jade asked shyly.

“No. And his name is JOHN.” You snapped.

All at once you knew you were screwed. The light that lit Jade’s eyes was evidence enough.

“I knew it. It is about Joa-John.” Jade squeaked with semi-glee.

“Fuck you.” You managed to breathe out through the minor panic attack flowing through you.

“Ew, no thanks.” Jade giggled before turning serious, “But, it was about John?”

“…….Yeah. Kinda.” You mumbled.

“…….Mind elaborating…?” Jade prompted, “Without your metaphors. I don’t want to be sitting here for an hour as you spew nonsense…..again.” 

“Hey, my metaphors are the shit.” You jabbed at her.

“Anyway, go on.” Jade rolled her eyes.

“…..I guess…..I’m just worried…”You sighed, rubbing the back of your neck.

“…….like, we won’t be able to reverse it….?” Jade offered.

Well, that works oddly in your favor.

“Yeah….” You replied after a slight pause for effect, “….we’ve only made the minimum in progress so far….”

“But we WILL turn him back, Dave.” Jade stated simply. “No matter what.”

You nodded mutely. Both because you wanted to end the conversation, and because you believed her. Nothing can stand between Jade Harley and her goal. Nothing.

“Now go get some real sleep, you dork.” Jade nudged you in her sisterly way.

“Who’s the dork? I’m the coolest mofo on this godforsaken rock.” You nudged back.

“Sure you are, Dave. Sure you are.”

……….XX……….

“YOU TWO ARE CRAZY!” Erupted from the room Rose and Kanaya shared, effectively drawing the attention of all non-involved parties to the squabble taking place.

This included you. Who, until a few moments ago, had managed to drift off into dreamless sleep.

“Jegus motherfucking Christ.” You grumbled as you reached for your respective eyewear.

Once again, you are Dave Strider, and you are one grumpy fucker right now.

You may be a light sleeper, but trifling with your peaceful slumbers sets you out for blood.

“I see that you heard it too…” Jade offered cautiously, poking her head into the room.

“I swear, I’m gonna murder those two flighty broads and Egbert one day….” You muttered darkly.

“Just make sure you clean up after.” Jade giggled.

“Will do.”

“So, wanna find out what the issue is?” Jade quirked a brow in question.

“Well, I’m awake. So why the fuck not?” You groaned as you got up, “Might as well give them a piece of my mind while we’re at it.”

“That’s the spirit.” Jade grinned.

The two of you started the trek to the bedroom that was housing the spoken battle with you yawning every few steps. Slowly, the yawning stopped as you fully woke up. Then the readiness to completely berate the three of them set in. You reached the door and heard the muffled sounds of yelling. 

Taking a breath, you walked into the room….

“I AGREED TO WEAR BRAS AND PANTIES, BUT I NEVER AGREED TO ANY LINGERIE OR CORSETS!”

…And walked straight back out.

“John! Lingerie ARE bras and panties! They’re just nicer looking! Pus they make women look sexier!” Kanaya’s voice cried as the door closed behind you.

Jade gave you a slightly mortified look in response to what just happened.

You were pretty sure that your face was bright red at the moment. Way to go Strider. Now you’ll have the image of John in lingerie stuck in your head for the rest of time.

Oh god, why did you just think that? Why did you even allow that topic to grace you thought train with its presence? 

Oh great, now you’re visualizing it. Fuck. That image looks damn good right now. No, no stop it.

Damn you creative visualization prowess. Damn you to hell.

“Uh, Dave?” Jade waved her hand in front of your face.

You only grunted in acknowledgement, not trusting your voice at the moment.

“Want me to go in and see what’s happening….?” Jade offered.

“…Please do…” You replied face palming and stepping to the side, “I’m going to try and forget I just heard that….”

“Okay, I’ll fill you in later…” Jade nodded as she went to enter the room.

“FOR THE LAST TIME! NO, I WILL NOT WEAR A SEA SHELL BAKINI!” John shrieked as the door opened.

“IT’S THAT OR THE FRENCH MAID OUTFIT!” Rose cried as the door closed.

You felt your face grow warmer than before as those two sentences opened up a new world for your creative visualization prowess.

Ok, you want to die in a hole right now.

It looks like things have just gotten WAY more complicated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so before I begin the actual notes for this chapter, I just want to apologize for the notes on the last one.
> 
> I didn't mean to offend anyone with my statement. If I did, then I'm sorry.
> 
> Now onto the actual notes!
> 
> First off, I believe that I put barely any plot relevance in this chapter.....I'm not sure HOW exactly I managed to do that, but i'mma make it work.
> 
> Therefore, I am asking YOU, my audience, what type of clothing ideas you'd like to see John in for the coming chapters. I really don't have many ideas of my own right now, so some help would be greatly appreciated.
> 
> This chapter was also the one I had the most fun writing. I think I may have tormented John and Dave a little too much though......
> 
> Anyway, I hope that you enjoy!


	6. Anatomy Troubles

It’s been roughly two weeks since the first battle royal of style choices, and you are NOT looking forward to seeing what is in store for you today.

Your name is John Egbert and today you get the first few necessities girls need in their wardrobe.

These “necessities” namely being your new clothing.

God, how you’ve grown to dislike these things already without even having worn them. After all, it IS somewhat their fault Dave’s grown more distant recently. After Jade managed to get you the hell out of Rose and Kanaya’s room, you went to go vent to Dave. Said person almost immediately recoiled from you and flash stepped to who knows where. 

This process had repeated itself every other time you tried to talk to him for about a week. The strange game of hide and go seek the two of you were involved in baffled you to no end during that time frame. It was only when Jade explained to you WHY exactly Dave was avoiding you that the game turned into a match to see how long the two of you could avoid ANY contact whatsoever. 

So far, that plan seemed to be working well. You were good with that; the less contact the better. 

Oh dear god, how you want to disappear off the face of the Earth for what he heard you arguing about……Actually, now that you think about it, the Earth doesn’t really exist anymore at the moment. So, you want to disappear off the face of…..the meteor…? Does that even make sense?

Oh screw it. 

Point is you want to disappear. End of story.

Unfortunately, things never go your way. Both a tragedy and an outrage when you really thought about it. 

But that was a topic that you could throw yourself into at another time. A sigh escaped you as the remembrance of what you HAD to focus on today surfaced again.

Who knows how long it’ll take before you before you finally snap and try to kill both Rose and Kanaya with a bolt of cloth and a sewing machine? It’s completely justified too; they have seriously begun to wear your patience out. 

You’re hoping you don’t end up bludgeoning them to death; but hey shit happens. And they’re pushing the luck they’ve had with you thus far.

However, those two lesbians will be dead within ten minutes if they make you the black leather sexual tormentor’s outfit they were discussing the other day. You’ll admit, in the past that sort of kinky stuff had your interest. But you’d rather be boiled in hot oil, and then thrown in a vat of lava than wear anything REMOTELY similar to anything like that.

Your stubbornness on this issue is so strong; it’ll be after hell literally freezes over before you even consider submitting to THAT particular fetish of Kanaya’s. And even then, chances that you actually do wear it are slim to none.

You let out a breath as you reached their door. Please god, let this go relatively smoothly. Don’t let there be any kinky shit for you to try on. Don’t let there be any kinky shit for you to try on. Don’t let there be any kinky shit for you to try on.

Taking a breath, you walked through the door to see a table with a french maid’s outfit, a Japanese anime school girl’s uniform, an anime-like nurses uniform, two Lolita dresses (one moe-moe-kyuun, one gothic-tsun-tsun), a sexual tormentor’s outfit (goddammit Kanaya), a sexy librarian’s outfit, and a cheer leader’s uniform.

Fucking NOPE. 

Hell is still blazing hot, thank you very much. Therefore, you are GETTING THE HELL OUT OF HERE.

Making a quick 180, you march robotically toward the door with the hope of finding an activity to remove the memory of the clothing from your mind. You didn’t expect a blockade in the form of two girls.

Shit.

“Going somewhere John?” Rose asked innocently, though there was a slightly predatory glint in her eyes.

“Yep; just leaving your house of torment forever. Anywhere but here is my goal.” You respond, a chill creeping up on you.

“But you haven’t tried on any of the things we made you.” Kanaya smirked.

“I think I’m good for now.” You firmly state, aiming for a gap between the two of them.

“But you need those things for everyday life.” Rose smiles as she blocked your exit.

“Guys, I’m not in the mood for this.” You nearly growl.

“But it needs to be done.” The two respond, slowly advancing on you.

“Ok, cut it out. This stopped being funny the minute you stopped me from leaving.” You state calmly, though your eyes began to dart back and forth between them.

“It seems she thinks this was a joke.” Kanaya muses, her eyes glinting with cruel amusement.

“Yes, it seems she does.” Rose grins psychotically, her own eyes mirroring Kanaya’s.

“R-Rose?” You squeak in fear just before the two lunge at you.

The next thing you know, the two of them are ripping your clothes off like two rabid dogs rip the meat off a bone. You faintly remember screaming something along the lines of ‘Kyaaaaa!’ as tears ran down your face and sparkled in the air as you flung your head back and screamed ‘NOOOOOOOOO!!!!’ at the top of your lungs.

Just as things looked hopeless; they let up their attack for a moment to grin evilly down at you after watching you fall to the floor holding onto the few shreds of fabric still on your body. Slowly, the two reached for you.

You closed your eyes preparing for the worst, and….

Sat up in your bed covered in a cold sweat, clutching your pillow desperately.

Holy shit holy shit holy shit holy shit what the ever living fuck was that? That wasn’t a dream. That wasn’t even a fucking NIGHTMARE. It was hell. 

You swear to god, you’ve just had a glimpse at your own personal hell. That was what it was. It was the only thing that made sense. Oh god oh god oh god oh god.  
However, your contemplations over that idea were cut short as a stabbing pain rocketed through your lower torso upward, sending a rather inelegant string of profanities flying from your mouth.

It had been two days since the initial fitting you’d had for your undergarments, and so far everything seemed to be going smoothly. But you still had your suspicions about the wardrobe Rose and Kanaya were making you. You’d put your own input forward, but you realized they’d probably do what they wanted for the most part.  
Thus leading to the nightmares you’d been having for the past two nights. 

The reminder sent a shiver up your spine before another wave of pain shot through you. Fucking shit fuck where was that even coming from dammit!?  
Once the pain had faded to a manageable point, you let a huff out as you went down a list of things that could have caused the pain. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary, and you hadn’t done anything differently…..well shit, you’re clueless aren’t you?

A ragged sigh erupted from deep within as you ran a hand through your glossy hair. You still weren’t completely used to the change. Before, your hair was short and messy but soft; now it was silky smooth and almost annoyingly long. The texture change was odd to say the least.

Your lament over this matter didn’t stop another falcon punch of pain to rocket its way through your system however. Another string of profanities flew through the air as you gripped your torso and cringed inwardly.

This was fucking ridiculous.

You had no clue what was causing the sensation; and you sure as hell wouldn’t figure it out on your own, you knew that much. So what else could you do?

Seek solace in the clutches of your ecto-sibling? Not likely, Jade slept like the dead. Waking her up was like performing a necromancy ritual at times.

Make a midnight visit to the self-proclaimed group psychiatrist? Hell to the no. Dealing with Rose was hard enough as it was at the moment; you didn’t need her trying to psychoanalyze you as well right now.

The only other person you could think of to turn to was Dave, but you still felt awkward about the whole…….door thing…

Besides that, he seemed to still be uncomfortable being alone with you. It was understandable when you thought about it; he didn’t want to address the big pink elephant in the room with you due to the fact he didn’t want to hurt you and didn’t really know how. That was just the way he was, the socially awkward dork.

Your reasoning as to why you shouldn’t seek his help was halted almost instantly as another shot of intense pain lit up your abdomen.

Ok, fuck reasoning. You need some fucking help, and Dave seems like the best option at the moment.

Upon coming to that conclusion, you soon found yourself outside his door. You stood there awkwardly as you internally battled yourself as to whether you should actually do this.  
All doubt was stopped as a wave of pain nearly sent you to your knees. Fuck it, Strider’s gonna get a wakeup call.

Creeping into said boy’s room, you moved slowly to keep from sending another bout of pain through your system. Finally you reached his bed and looked down at him, contemplating your next move.

A small huff escaped you as you couldn’t figure out another way to wake him, and you reached out and gently shook his shoulder.

“Dave…” You whispered. “Dave, wake up.”

The results were instantaneous; though not what you were expecting.

Dave slowly opened his eyes, and-after taking in your form and fully analyzing the situation-flung himself away from your touch and to the wall the side of his bed touched.  
For several tense moments, neither of you moved.

“Dave…? You ok?” You breathed finally. You got a slight nod in return, but Dave didn’t move.

“Uh, I just came because I need to talk to you about something…” You started, hoping he would answer you. No such luck.

“I just, there’s this pain that’s been coming from my abdomen….and I’m not sure what’s causing it…” You openly started babbling out of pure nervousness; the silence was somewhat eerie. “I was wondering if you had any ideas as to what it could be…”

No response.

“…..but…..If you don’t, I can go ask Rose….”

Still no response.

“….I….I guess I bothered you at a bad time….I mean, it’s the middle of the night….” You state with a slight laugh, though there’s a tinge of hurt in it.

No response, but there’s a slight....change….in the way Dave’s head was set…? Almost as if he felt bad…?

“I think I’m gonna do that actually. I don’t know why I didn’t before.” You forced a laugh. “Look at me not thinking. Sorry for bothering you. I’ll let you get back to sleep.”

Slowly, you stood up and turned to leave awkwardly, when Dave shoved something at you.

“….Here…” He stated embarrassment plain in his tone.

Confused, you took the item and looked at it. It was a pair of shorts…A blush lit your face as you let your gaze travel downward.

You weren’t wearing pants.

You were in your best bro’s room in a t-shirt and a pair of the new panties you’d gotten.

Oh god.

Where’s a hole? You need to go and bury yourself in one.

“O-Oh. T-Thanks. I d-didn’t realize I….” You fumble with your words as your face grows several shades warmer.

“It’s cool…” Dave squeaks. Literally SQUEAKS. 

You try to find comfort that you aren’t the only one who’s uncomfortable, but it just makes the whole situation all the more awkward.

“O-Okay.” You mumble, slipping to the door. “Thanks again…Night…”

The moment you get outside his door, you basically book it to Rose’s room; somehow managing to get the shorts on along the way without pausing. The entire time, however, you feel the urge to throw your hands in the air and make a pterodactyl noise to the sky, or ceiling, or space, or whatever the fuck is above you.  
Just when you thought things between the two of you couldn’t get more awkward.

Great job. You’ve outdone all past happen stances of awkward this time. You’re not sure if that deserves an award or if you should invest in paper bags for a few weeks.

Honestly, you’re too flustered to care.

……XX…….

Your name is Dave Strider and holy shit fucking bricks.

If you thought dealing with John was tough before, it just got a lot harder.

The poker face you had managed to keep up is long gone and most likely never to return to you undamaged. At the moment, you’ve taken to burying your face in your hands as you replay the scene in your head again.

One thing was certain throughout the entire clusterfuck of awkward that just happened. John’s image was now BURNED into your memory; and it didn’t look like you could change it.

If it were just that, you could probably deal with it and use it as ammunition against him when teasing each other; but your body had decided otherwise about that.

The fact that the image turned you on was what caused your current unrest. There was something just undeniably sexy about a bombastic babe wearing a t-shirt that was too big and silky panties to you. It had taken every ounce of willpower you had to keep from jumping the dude right then and there.  
Honestly, you deserve a medal of honor for that shit.

However, that pretty much led to John misunderstanding the atmosphere around you. He must have really been in pain for him to not clue in on it.

Speaking of, he mentioned something about abdominal aches when he was talking right?

Hopefully it’s nothing Rose can’t fix, she IS the pimp daddy master of mentoring John in the ways of being female. 

With her on the job, how could things get worse?

X…………….X

You just HAD to ask that stupid fucking question last night didn’t you?

Things got worse.

WAY worse.

You’re Dave Strider and you must be some serious dumb shit to have NOT seen this happening.

Currently, John Egbert is standing by your doorway in tears telling you about how he’s bleeding out his ass and how the stomach pain has gotten worse. If you remember one thing from living with the opposite gender for a while, it’s what those signs point to.

Oh hell no.

Shit fucking shit fuck. You do NOT seriously have to deal with THIS shit right now. Please god no.

Someone kill you now.

Shock must have been apparent on your face as you mused, because John is staring at you like you’ve grown another head. Not that you would blame him, you feel like you’re about to pass out from the realization that has just smacked you across the face with a fish.

In fact, you start to teeter when Rose makes a dashing entrance via stage right and whisks the naive young maiden away so you can fall over in the privacy of your room.  
An act which you make happen almost the instant the door slides shut.

This was starting to become too ridiculous for even YOU to deal with.

………….XXX……….

“What do I do, Rose!? WHAT DO I DO!?” You sobbed hysterically, “I’m too young to die!!!!”

You are John Egbert and it seems as though your life has been cut short.

After your short talk with Rose last night, she had given you a circular pill with a small ‘M’ on it with the instructions to take it and go back to sleep. She had also said something else to you, but that was currently lost as your fevered panic overtook most of your senses.

Needless to say, it was quite a shock to wake up and find a dark stain on your sheets this morning. Even more shocking was the realization that the stain was made of BLOOD and originated from your lower area. 

The revelations then lead you on the journey you had been on thus far in hysterics.

Which brings us back to how you are currently sobbing in front of a rather tired looking Rose.

“John. Please calm down…” Rose sighed.

“I can’t though, Rose!” You hiccupped as more tears streamed down your cheeks, “I’m bleeding internally!!! I’ll be dead soon if I don’t stop it!”

“John. I assure you, you are NOT dying.” Rose huffed resting her forehead in one of her hands.

“B-BUT THE BLOOD-!”

“Are you familiar with the menstrual cycle, John?” Rose asked cutting off another high pitched rant.

“…N-No….why?” You sniffled.

“I take it you didn’t pay attention in sexual education…” Rose murmured.

“Hey! I did too! I just……didn’t pay attention to the…..girl….bits…” You replied with a shudder.

“Well, to put this bluntly, you’re experiencing a specific part of a female’s monthly cycle.” Rose smirked at your discomfort.

“….What…?” You asked simply; Misunderstanding and confusion written clearly on your face.

“You’re on your period, stupid!” A rather brash voice exclaimed with a yawn.

Turning, you saw Jade standing in the doorway looking like she was about to kill someone.

It was then and there that you remembered that Jade tended to be a bit of a grouch at times when she woke up at times. And judging by her death glare, which was boring into your eyes and trying to destroy your soul, she was pretty grumpy.

Ok, so maybe grumpy wasn’t the right word…

“What are you talking about…?” You asked ignoring your current thoughts.

“You. Are. On. Your. Period.” Jade stated again glare increasing ten-fold. You’re guessing that you might have woken her up during the panicked dashing around you did this morning…

Ok, scratch the might. That’s exactly what you did.

“….May I ask what you mean exactly by ‘period’.” You inquired softly.

“Seriously, Joan?” Jade huffed.

“Yes. Seriously.” You pouted back, unhappy at the name.

“John. You’re experiencing it right now.” Rose stated calmly.

You just stared at her for a moment; debating whether or not to ask if she were joking. Slowly, realization began to wash over you.

Welp, there comes the panic again.

“How can I be having a period!?” You screeched.

“John, we’ve been over this. Your anatomy when through a complete change. That means, that even if you still feel like a male, you have all the female parts.” Rose looked at you tiredly.

“SO I HAVE LADY BITS!?” 

“Yes John. You have lady bits.” Rose replied flatly. “Now instead of going in circles of you panicking all over again, can we please at least TRY and address the issue at hand?”

You were in hysterics again as you thought about what this could possibly mean for the future. But Rose’s words rang out in your head as fear and panic still bubbled around your system. There wasn’t much else you could do besides deal with what was happening and hope a solution was found soon. Slowly, the bubbling feeling in your system died down, leaving you an anxious mess.

“….How do I stop the blood…?” You finally asked, trembling slightly.

Rose looked at you for a moment; As if to decide if you were being serious or not. It was a little offending to you if you were being honest. Noting the change, she covered your delicate hand and smiled reassuringly. Your lips twitched in response, but didn’t make a complete smile.

“Well first, we’ll need to get you clean underwear.” Rose squeezed your hand and looked at the door, “Will you go grab a new pair Jade?”

“Why should I-” Jade started but cut herself off when Rose gave her a sharp look.

“I mean, sure Rose.” Jade nodded revising her last sentence. 

“Thank you. Also, please check on Dave. He got a nasty shock this morning.” Rose called absentmindedly as Jade left.

Slowly, the blonde before you helped you to your feet and led you to the privet bathroom that her room had. The entire time she acted tenderly and gently toward you. The action sent a flow of relief flowing through you briefly. But then the gloom returned around you.

That was suddenly coupled with something else this time however.

You are John Egbert and you are going numb as this situation continues on.

You have lost all fucks you could possibly give about it by now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok. I have been dead for a month to you guys. I'm really sorry OMG.
> 
> It took a while, but here's the latest chapter! My schedule went from being peaceful with plenty of time for me to write to ape-shit insane in an instant.
> 
> First off, my grandparents dropped by for a surprise visit. Then I had to get senior pictures and finish up the last of my homework for school. Those two events left little to no time for me to work.
> 
> I only managed to finish it AFTER I started school. As crazy as it sounds it's true. (FAMILY! Y U NO TELL ME THINGS EARLIER!?)
> 
> Anyway, I've gotten great feed back about the fic and I'm glad that I can meet your standards.
> 
> As I've got school now, things might get a little crazy, but I'll still try my best to get the chapters out.
> 
> And yeah. That just happened in the chapter. (I think I made Dave a little OOC there. Oh well. I like the prospect of him fainting like that. >XD)

**Author's Note:**

> Yay! Finally got to start posting my current fic on here! -crys tears of joy-
> 
> I've been working on this as diligently as I possibly can and I hope to make it a success! Please don't be afraid to tell me where I can improve or certain aspects that you did or didn't like. I'm a relatively novice writer at the moment and am always looking to improve!
> 
> Also, my first JohnDave fic! For those of you who are expecting something more, rest assured. There will be smut in the later chapters. I just have to set things up a bit before we get into that. ;)
> 
> Anyway, please enjoy! :D


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